Discoveries

That particular comfort zone is present everywhere in our lives. Starting from food and beverages till the clothes we wear, and to the music we listen.
Some mornings it troubles me a lot imagine and to decide what to wear for the day. Does it happen with you too?
I completely understand this lady who decided to wear the same clothes at her workplace each and every day. I am not crazy for fashion, neither dependent of high heel shoes, and my creativity isn’t really supported by that dynamic hesitation I perform these mornings: get dressed, change some parts, undress and change completely, re-dress and panic, than finish with the winner “this is just going to be F I N E, I don’t care” set-up. And on the top of this, I play this in a city where nobody really ever cares what I wear, as in Barcelona everybody wears whatever they feel good in it. So nobody cares, except my common sense and office dress code. Speaking of which, since a while – like four-five months – it really takes me an effort to find those clothes I feel good in and look good on me.

I need to select the majority of my wardrobe: I didn’t grow big but there are some well traceable changes here and there; most of the things became small. That’s a well readable sign. When such cardinal changes finally manifest in the physical appearance we can be sure that some huge tectonic movements were happening in the depths like the ones moving the Earth’s crust. Every visible thing has its origins in the invisible, as it is well stated by a Hungarian philosopher, Béla Hamvas. It seems that immense movements and soul-space rearrangements happened inside and finally they found their ways to manifest outside as well. Perfect realignment. So all those changes reshaping the spirit, the soul, the way of thinking and the personality appear in the body too. Or something like this. However such changes do not occur on every corner: they happen once maybe in every ten-fifteen years, or rather, once in every twenty years. This is how I feel. A complete shift. I wonder if this is what happens when you peal off those layers of Roman legions defending and protecting a good old trauma, and you let that trauma close and heal: I wonder if the letting go, forgiving and healing process affects our nervous system so much that it rearranges the body as well? I think so. The answer is definitely YES. And these don’t only rearrange the body, they also question and re-qualify  our habitual reactions taking them conditional and not for granted; so that our robot pilot which functioned perfectly well until this very moment becomes unreliable. Auch. And the world expands flashing with formerly unknown possibilities, reactions, answers and lives. I have a choice. I can act differently than before. I can choose my attitude differently even in those situations where I am out of my comfort zone. Moreover, I do want to get out of my comfort zone. Princesshood of Rapunzel:  I want to be outside of my tower, I want to feel the sun, the waters and the noise of the birds’ wings on my own skin.

I don’t count the days any more how long this still lasts. By getting closer to the end of the tunnel it seems perfectly fine that not only the inner parts change, but the outer as well: tastes and sense of tastes fluctuate as well as appearance, the category of important and less important things, colours and forms which dress the new form. Complete transformation. It’s not like the one of Kafka, it isn’t tragic… and it has a clear opening.

Funny enough, today I wear butterfly-like blouse, with a white slinky trouser. This blouse is like a poncho, only more transparent and has shorter sleeves, has to be tied at the waist. It’s translucent, dominant by magenta and black patterns while orange, black, magenta, white and turquoise flowers bloom toward the waist from below. Butterfly-like airiness, I would have never wore anything like this before and now I feel so good within.
Hello change, welcome!

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