Catalysts

In the present moment, when we’ve just met, it’s impossible to know what lays in our future. It’s a dark spot far away from the daylight. Yet we may feel something – simply, either it interests us to know each other, or it doesn’t. Or it doesn’t really matter, as I may not be able to see you as you are, my eyes folded by those regular closed habits I pulled on myself so I can stay protected, out of reach and staying out of the game as much as possible. Or maybe you’re the one who cannot see me as my appearance reminds you someone you knew and did not like…
And then, something happens. Something sparks the light and finally I am able to see who you are: a catalyst, someone who pushes or drags me toward things which cannot possibly happen without your involvement, without you and me being related the way we are, the way we were, the way we had to be. That’s the moment of discovery, that at the end, we are related, deeper than we ever have wanted to. Something in the air stops for a moment and pulls away the veils of illusions. A moment of clairvoyance. Even if only one of us is aware of the importance. It does undress you from the lies you pulled over your face. What a nasty moment this is.

I read this quote today from the Dalai Lama:

“We are social animals who need friends. We need a community to survive. Friends are made on the basis of trust, which only grows if you are kind to people. Exploiting, cheating and bullying others will win you no friends. Kindness and compassion gives rise to self confidence, which in turn empowers you to be honest, truthful and transparent. This self-confidence brings peace of mind, which also favours good health.”

No doubt, friends can be great catalyzing powers in our lives. But for some mysterious reasons the strongest catalyzing moments are always connected to some hardness, suffering, fight. It’s not really up to our friends to kick us out from already sickening situations or poisoning circumstances, which we don’t want to leave for whatever reason seems to be good enough for us to be convinced to stay.  A friend may not kick strong enough or disgusting enough so that we could leap finally. That’s why God’s sweetest gifts occasionally arrive via unknown delivery, through an unexpected and painful action, through an enemy.

Being a catalyst in this manner is an unwanted gift, an avoided responsibility, something that can be done only unconsciously, otherwise it would lose its significance. Maybe it’s an invisible contract we entered in and signed even before we were born. The soul remembers, the eternal, which knows no change. That we had to meet, at this exact moment and place, to perform our duties toward each other, not knowing consciously what dragged us here, exactly now. Then our ways separate: the package is delivered. And we shan’t meet ever again. Maybe. None of us may care. The actors played their role, they bow, and leave the scene. New chapter begins.

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