at the same time

I don’t know how it is possible, but it is possible, as I feel it since some days. It will be a week from tomorrow morning.
I feel teared apart by completely opposite feelings.

How is it possible to feel both happy and sad – at the same time?
To feel booth miserable and blessed with all the joyful things of life – at the same time?
What is a heart, and how to cuddle it when it is teared apart by such emotions?

Inevitable and unexpected meetings are like unpredictable exams back in high school. Checking back just to make sure we can move forward. Just checking, if you’re done with the chapter, if you read what you had to and you know it by heart. And yes, I’m done with it. Please, let me pass. Please, God, have mercy on me. Please.

So the heart feels so opened like someone has pealed off its skin and now even fresh air feels hard, cleaning water feels like fire.
Let’s call it a rebirth. Let’s call it a baby skin, when babies are born to the air and they breath the first time. That’s the way it is. Happy and painful at the same time, good and better, letting go, letting go, incredible joy and unbearable pain at the same time.

But let’s celebrate, as Mexicans do, let’s say farewell to ghosts which belong to the other world already.

I already danced all this on Tuesday on a regular 5 rhythms class. It was amazing. Awesome. I felt so deeply grateful for everything, from head to toe. Grateful for all gifts, both for the hands which gave it. Then again, feelings of opposite feelings at the same time just appeared again.

So let’s dance Courage in Antwerp this weekend! Let’s see what lays in the unknown, in a future where I chose to go even before I knew how would I feel today. The blessing of mystery and traveling. Connecting to the body and being able to dance off whatever the heart has like a feeling or things even inexpressible with words or feelings, I know my body can translate it to a movement. So let it be. Let it dance. Let life dance, let’s dance a life.

curl it upphoto by Anna Pechtol

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